Fighting My Insecurities & Finding Beauty Within!

Updated: Aug 5, 2020

Insecurities have been a part of everybody lives from the day we started thinking for ourselves and compare ourselves to others. These insecurities are very deep feelings you experience. These feelings can sometimes make you feel less than a person, make you feel like the person in front of you is better than you based on some different reasons and so many. For my part, I felt insecure my whole life, insecure about my body, how I look. I used to (and honestly still do sometimes) compare myself to other women and always felt like they were better than me, looked good than me and so many more. Every time I see other women looking fit, great body I used to feel so insecure about myself because I always thought that my body did not look the way it was supposed to be. I am not skinny girl, with a flat belly and all the curves around. I always thought my body was ugly, especially my belly, my belly is not flat at all, I have fat all around my body and my thighs are big. The more I was growing up, the more the insecurities were growing up into my mind and it was kind of paralyzing me to express myself to the fullest. I always thought I never looked good enough next to my friends because they had such great bodies and I did not have their bodies. This feeling has been so deep into my mind that I always had this feeling that they will always stay better than me.

Every time I felt insecure I used to tell my own brother about it and he was always telling me I should not be feeling like that because I look beautiful and my body does not look like the way I thought it was. Because of these insecurities, I was a very shy person who did not want to be seen by the world in any ways and for me hiding myself behind people was the best way to somehow "feel good" about myself. Then, when I got on social media, I was looking at other girls how confident and beautiful they looked showing off their bodies even though they did not have the "model" type body at all. They looked happy, beautiful and sexy in their pictures. From that point I started to think that they are human beings like me, they also think like a human being and I am sure they also have insecurities about themselves obviously but they decided to show off their insecurities to the world no matter what people might think and inspire others. They really inspired me in so many ways that I decided to give myself a challenge to be more out there, to be show off my insecurities to others and force myself not caring about other's negative opinions about me. I started posting more pictures about myself even though the insecure feelings were raging all over my body and mind and as soon as I was posting them I started doubting myself like "should I keep this post?" "do people gonna like it?" "I think I look too fat, too ugly, no my face doesn't look right..." and so on. At some point, I had to quiet all of these voices in my head and just continue to post my pictures on social media and sharing how I feel. This was such a big challenge for me to be out there in the world, showing off myself, not knowing what people might think about me and the fact that it scared me to do all of these things but I was still doing it was enough for me to feel like I am trying to make a step towards surpassing my fears.

To this day, it is still a work in a process. I still have mad insecurities about myself, most the time when I am out with my friends, I start feeling to insecure in a way that crazy thoughts just go through my mind such as: "I look horrible" " I do not look pretty at all", "My belly is so fat in this outfit"," look at how my fiends look good meanwhile I look like potato". I am telling you guys, these thoughts are REAL! It is very sad to even hear them, but they just flow over my mind every single time. I try to quiet these voices again and tell myself no I shouldn't be feeling like this. The more I forced myself to quiet these voices, the more it was easier for me to feel a bit more confident about myself. You know what was the crazy part? It is the fact that that I always thought that I was the only one feeling insecure about myself. I mean when these feelings just come through your head you kind of get in this bubble or world where you think you are the only one living in those fears, but if you do pay attention and even share with the people around you, you will find out that you are not the only one feeling insecure about yourself. From that point on I was able to see people around as human beings like I said earlier who do feel sometimes uncomfortable about things too and they also have sometimes trouble to share it with others.

I do not have a perfect solution on how to overcome insecurities, but I do think there are ways we can help each other out and ourselves to manage those insecurities. For my part, what I do or try to do is to sometimes look myself in the mirror and try to appreciate my body, my face, my skin and my hair. I try to tell myself that I am beautiful and a sexy woman. I tell myself that I am different from everyone else because we all are and I am beautiful in my my own difference. What makes me different is what makes me beautiful. My body is not skinny, yes I do not have a flat belly, I have love handles and fat all around me. Yes I have all of these things in my body but don't they make me look beautiful? Sexy? Attractive? Yes they do, so I need to love them, I have to love them because they are A PART of me and I need to accept that. I need to accept the fact that I might never be skinny, I might never have a flat belly, I will always have my love handles, my body might still look the same no matter what and I need to accept that. I need to accept the fact that my face is different from others,my skin is different, it may not look perfect with my acne scars but hey are mines, nobody else's. I gotta love myself first if I want to be loved. Giving myself those affirmations day by day have made a an incredible impact into my spirit. My spirit needed and still needs healing from all of these fears I had about myself. The work is still not complete because it takes time, self love and affirmations to be able to overcome these insecurities. This is one of many ways to manage these fears and I would love to challenge all of my readers who related to my story to start giving yourselves these amazing affirmations about yourselves. Yes you are beautiful, yes your body is beautiful, you skin is beautiful, you are gorgeous, love yourself, practice self love as much as you can, fall in love with yourself first before somebody falls in love with you. Until my next post, I will leave you with this simple sentence, " nobody is perfect, but we are perfect on our own ways". Drop a comment if you have any advice to share. Love, xoxo.


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