Like the title said I'm tired. I'm tired of the struggles I live everyday in all situations, smh.. I don't know if you will relate to it but I am sure some of you guys might relate to my story. I know that life is not supposed to be easy and of course you will encounter many obstacles no matter what but honestly I feel like life it is getting way too harder, especially for us millennials, (me, myself and I ). As a young African black woman, I do struggle in so many things and the fact that sometimes I have to put on a smile everyday when you get out of the house and act like nothing is happening in your head, meanwhile a thousand things are running through your mind and all you want to do is just run though your bed and be under your sheets. I do struggle with a lot of things so let me break it down for you.
As women, we all know the struggle that comes with it, breakouts, periods, mood swings, weight balance and so many more, and oh yeah, relationships (I know right? smh). Well me, I get to have all of these struggles as a woman and I feel like sometimes it is times twenty, like literally. My periods are just horrible, like I got to get the pleasure to have really really painful periods where you can't even get out of the bed, just feeling like a thousand knives are just stabbing you at the same time NON STOP for so many hours and you are rolling yourself endlessly all day long. Huh, if you know what I am saying just raise your hand (just kidding, just smile and be like I know what you're talking about sis). It is just crazy how periods can hurt so badly and the crazy part is when it happens during a day when you gotta go work, wow can you imagine the struggle? I do think you know what I am talking about. I swear, when it happens, you just ask yourself what did I ever do to be in so much pain? Like seriously, you start questioning everything, omg!
So, that was one thing. Let's continue the break it down, weight balance. Oh my God, this is one of the most struggle I have ever lived until today. I used to be a bit chubby when I was young and I always felt so fat in my mind and felt so ashamed about it. If you read my latest post you will understand what I am talking about but for those who did not read my post let me tell you a bit about it. I am very insecure about myself especially my body. I get to have all of these insecure feelings which make me rethink myself every single time in a way that I doubt myself and sometime even don't really like the way I look. I always thought that being "skinny" is the only way to look good, you know and especially with social media it gets harder not to feel this way. I do not have a flat belly at all, have some fat around and big thighs, so you can get the gist of it. Sometimes when I dress I feel so heavy in my outfits, my thighs sometimes feel so big it makes me feel weird and when I see other girls looking skinny in their outfit and so light like they are even looking like they are not even dressed. Can you relate to it? Or am I just looking crazy? Maybe I do, oh well at least I am sharing my feelings with you guys!
Here is another one I am sure lots of us women can relate, facial breakouts!! Oh my God, this is another struggle I have to put up with at twenty-five years old!! Like seriously?? I thought the acne period was over when I was an adolescent but it was just a scam! Huh, there are other people who are very lucky enough not to get too many breakouts or have dark spots on their face meanwhile this is my life every single time. Like every time I get a breakout on my face, I got to pray literally all the gods so I don't get any dark spots. Just having breakouts, seeing those bumps in your face just messing up your beautiful face, huh it is sooo annoying. Like seriously, it makes me all the time mad when it just happen, like am I not already grown ass woman? Do I need acne problem to add on the pile? Well, yep, looks like it. It's like, can I get a break please? Just one thing good I can work with you know? Is that too much to ask? Seriously, the struggle is so very real. Right now, I am just ranting on my struggles to you guys, and I don't know if you might relate to either all of it or either some of it, but I hope so though and I would love for you guys to share with me too, your struggles if you feel tired just like me.
This part will be the juicy one, I mean I guess so. Let's talk about relationships, precisely men. Yes girls, let's talk about them I mean, what is going on? You know what, I am just going to talk about my own experience and how sucky it is, like seriously. Me personally, I was never really lucky in love and I am telling you this not to attract pity or something but that is the truth. The thing is like, I get to meet people, you start talking, do the whole act of the "boyfriend and girlfriend", the guy decide to just act up and then you just get heartbroken by it because feelings were getting into it you know. Unfortunately, the more you grow up, the more you see that men just act up and honestly it doesn't even surprise me at all. Just like the poem I listened from this guy (ig: @poetic_style) titled "Disappointed but not surprised", he talked from the perspective of a woman where she just not surprised about how men do act when it is about love and there was this part where he said, "I am not saying all n*** ain't shit but..." . Wow, this was just powerful, honestly it just said everything us women kind of experience when getting into relationships and how the more men disappoint you, the more you just take your losses in silence and you are not even hurt anymore or surprised but you just disappointed and just move on, you know? So, honestly, that's what I kind of do, because I do not have time to waste on people who are not gonna bring something to the table and be mature as a grown ass man like they are supposed to be!!! Of course, it is hard, as woman you do have feelings, you want to be with somebody who is nice and stuff and being alone do sucks. We can all talk about being a strong woman and stuff but seriously, it is hard too like we gotta be honest, for my part at least I am honest about it, I am human and I do have feelings like everyone else. I get sometimes sad when I feel alone, I do doubt about myself like do I send bad vibes out there or what? But you know those are just feelings that come and go because again I am human, I have insecurities and might feel a little bit self-doubting which is totally normal. However though, unless you are a bad person you know deep down, never feel like you are the problem or you are giving a bad vibe out there, nope you may not be perfect because nobody is, but you are a good person and give out your genuine self when getting involved with anybody else.
I think the last part of my ranting will be just, being sad. Being plain old sad. I do not want to use the word "depression" so I won't be offending anybody who are experiencing depression as a mental problem and again I am very sorry if I am not using the right words, I really want to be as thorough as I can. So let's come back to what I am trying to share with you guys. Sometimes, I just get sad abut things that happens in my life or when people hurt me and I know that obviously we all go through those times when sad situations happen you just get sad and get over it right? But did ever just just get sad in a way where you do not even want to get out your bed? Sometimes it doesn't have to be because something happened, you just feel sad maybe because things in your life are not where you feel like it is right now, you are missing some things in your life and you just not feeling great mentally to put up with people, to be social with others in a way where you got to have put a great smile on your face show to the public that you are happy but deep down you are not. There are times honestly, where you really really want to scream your lungs out because you are feeling down and you want to shout out to the world that you are not ok at all. Well that is how I feel sometimes and the thing is, it could get hard to even share those feelings with your closest people because they might not even understand what you are talking about or they might just brush you off in a way it makes you feel like it is just useless to even try to explain yourself like seriously. But in a nutshell, I do get those sad feelings sometimes and I do not know if anybody relate to what I am trying to share in here but if you guys do, I just want to let you know that first of all you are not alone in this and second, if you do not know who to share with well I will just say start writing your feelings trust me it will help or just holla at me like literally send me a DM I will be glad to talk over anything you want to talk I will be there as much as I can.
Well, all of these rantings sum up a bit of my ramped up feelings, when you will read it you might either laugh about me, feel pity for me or be like this girl has issues. Oh well, maybe I do have issues who knows but I do not care, I created this blog where it could be a safe haven for me and for all of my readers where we can both share our feelings without feeling afraid, judged or ashamed. This is what I am doing right now and I will continue to always share my feelings with you guys. If you guys have any advice, suggestions or just want to share your stories because you feel tired too sometimes to just put up with a smile meanwhile you are struggling emotionally well I just want to tell you that I get it and let's talk about it. Drop some comments and love, xoxo.