Sex, sexuality, being sexual... these are words that have been taboos for decades and people have been so conscious when the subject of sex comes in play. But what about on the female side? The Sex subject on the female side has been more taboo than ever because stereotypes come in play and of course living in a patriarchy world makes it twice as hard for females to talk about sex. However, I feel like the modern world and all of the 21st century emancipation from everybody, the sexual subject has been a bit easy to talk about. But I am going to ask another question!
What about being a black women in the sexual world? How do black women own or reclaim their sexuality today? Especially millennial black women. Well this is where is the discussion gets deep.
As millennial black woman, living in a patriarchal world I was never able to own my sexuality to the fullest. Even by being a 26 year old black woman I should be looking like a total confident woman knowing what she wants and getting it but it is not the case. You will ask yourself why? But let me break it down for you:
As a black woman living in a white man's world, my skin color has been hated for decades and always been seen as the lowest level of beauty.
As a black woman living in a patriarchal world, I have been sexualized and fetishized for decades. I have only been seen as a sexual object or an experience to have like "what it's like to be with a black woman?".
The stereotype of black women when trying to own their sexuality has always been seen as "jezebels", "hoes", "thots", "prostitutes", "no morals", "predatory", "promiscuous" and so on.
These three points are only a nip in the bud in the struggle of being able to own my sexuality as a black woman. My whole life, I have been looking at the white counterpart as an epitome of beauty, purity and sexuality which made me doubt my whole self as a woman and as a black woman in this world. I never thought I could be able to look myself in the mirror and think "I am pretty sexy ass black woman and I can get what I want!".
However, with the rise of social media and more black women asserting themselves as epitome of beauty such as Gabriel Union, Rihanna, Ericka Hart, Tracy Ellis Ross and so much more, you get to see yourself through them and encouraging you to also love yourself and owning your sexuality because yes you are a beautiful sexy black woman and you should own it to the fullest. It can be very difficult to overcome those perpetual traumas we have been experiencing for decades and snap out of it, but we have to start healing from this.
For me, owning my sexuality as a black woman is reclaiming my sexuality as whole, fantasizing and dreaming of being a sexualized liberated black woman in every ways, challenge some sexual values that have been imposed on myself as a black woman and have internalized for decades by thinking for myself and deciding about what I want and what I don't want. It is about feeling complete spiritually and physically as a whole. It is about being able to love my whole self first before somebody else loves me. It is about so much more and only through a work of self healing I will be able to reclaim my sexuality as a black woman a 100%.
I know it is a long way to go because there still stereotypes coming into play, hatred for my skin coming into play, fetishization of my blackness coming into play and of course the "holier than thou" people who will have something to say about me but I do have to be able to set an example for the little black girl who will come after me and I want her to think that she is beautiful little girl, she will grow up by being a beautiful sexy black woman ready to take on the world. I want to be able to inspire that other insecure millennial black woman who is sitting across me and feeling like she can never be a sexual liberated woman because the world told her so, I want to inspire her to feel her best, to feel like a woman who can feel and understand her own sexual pleasure, a woman who can reclaim her sexuality in every ways without feeling ashamed of it.
The question you might ask yourself now is "where do I start then?" well, start writing. Start writing your goals you want to achieve as sexual liberated black woman, everything you have in mind write them down, do some research, read more articles and books where black women talk about reclaiming your sexuality, listen to educative podcasts, create some affirmations words to tell yourself to help you feel confident daily. Create your own world of magic where you are the Queen and you can express yourself the way you want. You are a beautiful sexy black woman, it is the time for you to reclaim it!
Here are a few helpful resources to help you on your journey:
Articles to read and videos to watch: